Be an instrument of peace

People ask for peace, but who can give us peace?
Can a person without peace be an instrument of peace?
Today, policymakers are dedicated to making, building and keeping peace.
A tremendous amount of human resources and research is invested in establishing world peace.
Even prizes are awarded to people for their work towards peace.
Peacelessness has infiltrated our lives far deeper than we care to admit.
Which comes first, inner peace or world peace? Unfortunately, time has shown us that waiting for the world to give us peace has been futile.
Peace begins with the self and each individual’s expression of that peace will ultimately contribute to world peace.
Adverse circumstances and situations create a lot of pressure, stress and destroy our peace.
We blame people, climate or disease. But these are the very teachers who come to teach us new lessons in life and we become experienced.
Write yourself a note or find an image of peace, and keep it near you. Between tasks, think peace. Before and after a phone call, think peace. While walking about, visualise peace emanating from you.
When you interact with others, imagine your peace influencing the atmosphere.
If you don’t feel peaceful, you have forgotten this truth.
Remind yourself of your peaceful nature again and again.

Focus – the ability to zero in on an objective and see the task to completion
Energy – the vitality that comes from concentrated personal commitment.
Learning – the ability to correct past mistakes and improve oneself

so Focus without energy results in lethargic execution or burnout. Energy without focus leads to aimlessness or artificial busyness. And not learning from your mistakes ensures you repeat them.

Leadership and the art of story telling

Many of us would have grown up listening to wonderful stories from our grandparents. I am quite certain that these stories are now shared across generations. If you listen to some of the greatest leadership speeches, many of them are embedded with multiple anecdotes to substantiate the messages. Stories also help us remember morals and hence the phrase "moral of the story". Let's look at a few other examples as well - biographies, leadership/management books, articles - all of them are made interesting through stories.

Leaders need to have a bagful of stories from their own experiences or what they have read, observed or heard. Imagine a situation addressing a team gathering and trying to share messages on motivation, inspiration, handling adversity - while it would be ok to share theoretical concepts, you would be hitting home the message with the right set of incidents. Think about it for a minute, why do stories help? There is structure, content, actors, build up, drama and finally a climax - it helps the audience visualize and that's indeed powerful.
Here are a few tips to practice and develop the art of story telling

Pick the right story based on the context

Don't force fit stories without relevance

Create the situation for a right story and deliver it at the right moment

Make sure you share the moral of the story

Relate the story to your message.

Refresh you story bag frequently and keep a few genres such as humor, inspirational, passion and so on.

Don't quantify stories by embedding metrics, rather bring in the emotional quotient out

Stories are a powerful way to communicate. So go out there and be a story teller. Good luck and god bless !!!

Maxis allocates RM8.13mil for its scholarship programme this year.

EVEN with his hand in a cast, Louis Yap Jun Hao, 19, was determined to attend a ceremony that honoured him and 20 others with merit-based scholarships.
The Monash University Malaysia Campus student said that he was anxious at first thinking that he would not be able to attend the Maxis Scholarship for Excellence Awards (MSEA), when he injured his hand after falling down.
“The fall was a silly and embarassing incident, but I’m glad to have made it for the awards ceremony,” he said.
Siti Syafiqah receiving her award from Dr Hou while Raja Arshad looks on.
Louis received a scholarship to pursue his studies in Business and Psychology.
“I chose the two fields so I could get a mix of arts and commerce in my studies, and it keeps the learning experience from becoming dry,” he added.
The annual study awards were also given to the other MSEA recipients who will pursue undergraduate programmes locally and abroad.
The awards were presented by Deputy Higher Education Minister Datuk Dr Hou Kok Chung and Maxis Bhd chairman Raja Tan Sri Arshad Raja Tun Uda in Kuala Lumpur, last Tuesday.
Dr Hou said he was delighted to learn that Maxis would be investing up to RM8.13mil this year to fund its scholarship programme.
Azmi says that up to 30 students are selected to pursue their studies at local institutions.
“This is an excellent example of how the private sector can support the government in helping eligible individuals gain access to tertiary education,” he said in his speech.
Raja Arshad said Maxis recognised the importance of education and the need to develop human capital not just in the communication field but in all areas.
“We live in interesting times, where culture, technology and innovation is converging and old traditions are collapsing and being replaced by new ones,” he said.
Since its inception in 2005, Maxis has awarded 78 undergraduate scholarships and the company is the first integrated communications service provider to offer merit-based scholarships to children of customers and employees.
Maxis Bhd human resources division senior vice president Azmi Ujang said every year up to 30 students are selected to receive scholarships to pursue their studies at local institutions, while another 10 awards are allocated for students to study abroad. The selection process of the awards looks at both the academic capabilities of its applicants and their leadership skills through participation in co-curriculum activities and sports.
Out of the over 1,000 applications received this year, 21 were selected after a rigorous selection process by a panel of judges.
The judges included INTI International University deputy vice-chancellor Prof Datuk Dr Ibrahim Ahmad Bajunid, Higher Education Leadership Academy director Prof Datuk Dr Roziah Omar and Universiti Malaya Centre for Industrial Training and Relations director Assoc Prof Dr Stefanie Pillai.
Arshant wants to focus on Actuarial Science in investment.
“I feel humbled and I am grateful. The scholarship helps relieve the burden of my education fees,” said Chen Su-Yi also from Monash University Malaysia Campus.
Arshant Ramesh Nair was one of the five recipients of an overseas scholarship, and will pursue his undergraduate degree in Actuarial Science at the University of Michigan, United States.
“Actuarial Science has a mix of mathematics and statistics to assess risks in finance. I have always been fascinated by statistics, so pursuing a degree in the field comes naturally.
“I want to focus on Actuarial Science in investment instead of insurance, a field in which it (Actuarial Science) is more commonly applied,” said Arshant.
Siti Syafiqah Daud, 19, currently studying at the University of Sydney in Australia, flew back to Malaysia just for the event.
“I am happy to be awarded this scholarship but I have classes next week so everything is a bit rushed and I have to get back to Sydney tonight,” she added.
Louis has chosen courses that are a mix of arts and commerce.
The scholarship is extended to Maxis Postpaid customers with a minimum of one-year subscription and their children, and to children of the company’s employees.
The applicants must also be Malaysians and under the age of 23, with the necessary academic requirements.
Maxis plans to offer 58 scholarships a year, and the value of each scholarship depends on the location of the higher education institution.
A scholarship of up to RM10,000 will be awarded to applicants pursuing their undergraduate course in Malaysia and if the course is offered overseas, the scholarship awarded is up to RM150,000 per year for four years.
Maxis is allocating RM2.35mil for new undergraduate scholarships and up to RM2mil for new postgraduate programmes every year.

Covering all aspects of higher learning

Academic bigwigs exchange ideas in the hope of bringing reforms that will prepare the global education sector for the challenges ahead.
INTERNATIONALISATION: what does it actually imply for higher education institutions, and what does it mean to be a university in the 21st century?
This was a key point explored at the 5th Going Global conference held in Hong Kong between March 11 to 13 this year.
Organised by the British Council and themed “World Education: The new powerhouse”, the international education conference saw over 1,000 delegates from 68 countries.
For the first time, the conference was hosted outside the United Kingdom (UK); a move that seemed to reflect the nature of the event as well as the current global economy.
A toast to all: Conference delegates and guests mingling during the opening reception.
In contrast to budget cuts in the UK, Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of the People’s Republic of China chief executive Sir Donald Tsang Yam-Kuen announced that the government will continue making education its biggest spending priority.
“In April, Hong Kong will spend HK$54bil (RM20.9bil) on education - almost a quarter of the city’s total recurrent expenditure,” he said in his opening address.
With proposed education reforms such as moving from a three to four-year undergraduate degree, and 20 per cent of its students non-locals, Sir Donald explained that the higher education sector in Hong Kong was set for greaterer heights.
UK Minister of State for Universities and Science Rt Hon David Willetts spoke on the mobility of students.
“We are working very hard to encourage more flows abroad as well as of course the students coming to Britain,” he said.
Willets also assured that changes in fees for UK students and visa requirements for overseas students did not hamper his government’s commitment in “encouraging foreign students to come to study in our universities and colleges.”
Analysing global education
The conference also saw a preview into the British Council’s Education Market Intelligence (EMI) initiative, which aimed to offer universities and policy makers an unbiased and accurate view of the higher education landscape.
Among the areas covered by EMI research were student mobility, country profiles, and student insights on their decision-making process. According to British Council China’s education marketing director Jazreel Goh, full EMI reports would be publicly available in May.
“There are 80 institutions involved so far, and we are in the midst of branching out its (EMI’s) scope.
“Users will be able to download the reports on the information gathered via an online portal, which will also feature forums and feedback abilty,” said Goh.
One finding presented at the session was the “global gauge”, which measures how ready countries are in internationalising their higher education sectors.
Germany was rated the most prepared, followed by Australia, the UK, China, Malaysi and the United States (US).
Prosperous start: Sir Donald painting the eye of a “lion” to mark the official opening of the conference in Hong Kong. Looking on is British Council chief executive Martin Davidson (centre).
British Council Hong Kong’s Education Market Intelligence and Research manager Dr Janet Ilieva explained indicators used to measure country performance included openness, quality assurance and degree recognition, as well as access and equity.
“Each of these requires analysing on a variety of information.
“For instance, to measure openness, we looked at visa restrictions and liberty given to offshore campuses, while to measure access to education, outbound scholarships and brain drain issues were factored in,” she said
Dr Illieva conceded that a shortcoming of the gauge was it could not definitely ascertain the real-world effectiveness of country’s higher education framework.
“What government says and what it actually does are two different things,” she said.
“But the full scope of the project, which includes real student feedback, will be truly valuable in two to five years, because that’s how long it takes to really appreciate the macroeconomic effects of internationalisation in higher education.”
Building relationships
“Don’t marry the first girl you dance with ... you need to build trust before embarking on the adventure of joint-collaboration.”
This was Glasgow Metropolitan College, UK, assistant principal Sandra Gunn’s advice to higher education institutions seeking to forge ties with overseas partners.
Addressing participants of the session “Building international partnerships with real impact for industry – insights from the creative industries”, Gunn shared two international projects carried out by her college.
One of these involved a collboration with the South Indian Jewellery Federation in India.
“The federation is now looking at catering to a rising young domestic market as well as breaking beyond the Indian market – but their design teams are not yet prepared for this change,” explained Gunn.
The college intends to support this change by carrying out workshops for Indian jewellers on the design process.
“They (Indian jewellery workers) have strong craftsmanship skills, so that’s an area that will be of value to our students and staff.
“What we can share is our knowledge of working with new materials and coming up with modern designs, as well as marketing training for sales personnel,” said Gunn.
Offering a more personal insight was Prof Anna Fox, who is currently a professor of photography with the University for the Creative Arts, UK.
Detailing a postgraduate student exchange between the UK and India, Prof Fox emphasised the need to consider the finer details of facilitating cultural exchanges.
“I had to heavily edit the student blog on the project. My students were rightly honest about their experiences, but some posts were offensive if not viewed in the full context.
“Never assume the impact of culture shock on students going into a different environment,” she said.
The intricacies of international ties in higher education was also a topic of dicussion at the session on “What is the real impact of transnational education?”
LCCI International Qualifications Asia chief operating officer Mark Disney warned that while endeavours in transnational education can be rewarding, “if wrongly implemented, you can cause serious damage to your institution and waste resources in the process.”
Responding to comments on Malaysia’s aspirations to be a regional education hub, Higher Education Minstry deputy director-general (private higher education institutions) Prof Datin Dr Siti Hamisah Tapsir explained that the Malaysian experience in transnational education was almost “accidental”.
“It was a bottom-up experience, due to the demand of students and ingenuity of higher education providers,” she said.
Prof Siti Hamisah added that while Malaysia was actively wooing foreign universities to its shores, the government wanted to ensure that these universities were “serious about commitment.”
Delegates mesmerised by a traditional “mask changing” dance performance during the opening reception of the conference.
Ranking quality
“I’m a ranker and I’m proud of it,” declared Times Higher Education (THE), UK, deputy editor and THE World University Rankings editor Phil Baty.
“Rankings can be misleading and sometimes are not able to measure intangible things, but they can be a positive force, especially for those who need clearer information on the globalisation of higher education – governments, investors, parents and students.”
The panel of well-known university rankers and senior academics made “International world rankings – where do you stand” one of the liveliest sessions at the conference.
Quacquarelli Symonds (QS), UK, vice-president (strategic planning and marketing) John Molony stated while rankings may simplify information, students were now adept at utilising this data.
“It is not only about the quality of the production of rankings, but also about understanding the information and applying that wisely,” he said.
While Baty and Molony articulated passionate arguments for university rankings, it was unfortunate that they spent more time lauding the advantadges of their respective ranking systems and exchanging thinly-veiled attacks.
Dismissing the rankers’ presentations as “advertorials”, University College London, UK, president and provost Prof Malcolm Grant noted that academics should not “sleepwalk into a commercial version of our affairs” and be “seduced by the spotlight of international rankings”.
He also pointed out the inherent problems of rankings, such as applying weightings to intangible indicators and the limited significance of drawing meaning from numbers alone.
Universiti Sains Malaysia vice-chancellor Tan Sri Prof Dzulkifli Abdul Razak had a more conceptual reason for his disdain of rankings.
“Rankings ignore the complexity of the world and its concerns.
“They tend to have a narrowly defined idea of quality; when you say something is ‘world-class’, whose world are you referring to?”
“Also, universities tend to shift their priorities in direct opposition to reality — what if a university’s focus is on increasing access to education for female students instead of commercialising research?” he asked.
Mediating both sides of the debate was University of Hong Kong’s Academic Planning and Quality Assurance senior coordinator Dr Kevin Downing, who acknowledged the flaws of ranking data.
Dr Downing’s conclusion however, was pragmatic.
“It’s about helping students and families make informed choices ... World university rankings are just like fleas, vice-chancellors and in-laws; we don’t always like them, but we need them.”
The role of a university
Criticisms over assuming a standardised model for higher education institutions also arose in the session on “Asian insitutions at the global crossroads”.
While the forum promised to examine the notion of a world-class university in Asian and Western models, National University of Singapore vice-president (university and global relations) Prof Lily Wong dismissed the entire idea of “East vs West”.
“There is no such thing as ‘one’ Asia,” she said.
“While some Asian institutions may share characteristics such as having a one-chance national exam or promoting accelerated research, many others do not fall into neat categories.”
She also questioned what the “Western model” was: “Is it in reference to the education landscape of the United States or that of Europe or Australia?”
Addressing the role of English as the global lingua franca, Dr Christopher Brown, founding director of the International College at Zayed University, United Arab Emirates (UAE), proposed an increased recognition of other languages.
“There is a real concern in the UAE about the loss of Arabic languages, bur our priority is to empower students, and this means equipping them with English speaking skills.
“Perhaps the real way forward is to embrace true multilingualism the way countries such as Hong Kong and Singapore have done,” he said.
Meanwhile panelists at the forum on “Philanthropy in higher education” were more concerned with the practical issue of funding excellence at their institutions.
As the forum chair, University of Bristol, UK, vice-chancellor Prof Eric Thomas, explained, successful fundraising meant that students could benefit from an education that they could not otherwise afford.
“Among the merits of this (fundraising) is being able to put your own foot on the accelerator instead of being constrained by student numbers and government grants,” he said.
A hot topic that arose during the question -and-answer portion of the session dealt with the effectiveness of utilising an institution’s alumni network to garner funds.
University of Hong Kong vice-chancelloer Prof Lap-Chee Tsui pondered whether Asians were culturally ready to give back to their former universities, while revealing an interesting statistic - 52% of alumni donors to the University of Hong Kong were under the age of 30.

Teen’s vision to succeed

BEING visually impaired did not stop Jason Tang Kah Hung from obtaining 6A+, 3A’s and 1A- in the Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) examination last year.

Jason became the first student from Sekolah Menengah Pendidikan Khas (Visually Impaired) Setapak in Kuala Lumpur to score A’s in all subjects in the SPM since it was established in 1974.

He was diagnosed with a brain tumour at the age of 16 when he was in Form Four and had blurred vision.

Doctors at the Subang Jaya Medical Centre (now known as the Sime Darby Medical Centre Subang Jaya) gave the youngest of two siblings two choices “your eyes or your life”.

Jason showing his SPM slip to his aunt Chin Fan Heong at the school on Wednesday.

“I chose to forgo my eyesight as I want to live longer and later underwent a surgery at Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia Hospital ... I became blind,” he said.

After resting at home for three months, Jason enrolled for a Braille class at the Malaysian Association of the Blind for a year before attending a special school for visually impaired in Setapak.

Jason who makes friends easily, wants to become a teacher to help other visually impaired students.

He started preparing for the SPM last June, and attributed his success to making notes and attempting questions.

For orphan Ahmad Ibrahim, his excellent results would mean securing a brighter future.

When his father, Zakaria Nor, died in 2008 and his mother, Norhana Ismail, succumbed to colorectal cancer the following year, Ahmad Ibrahim felt that the future would be bleak.

But with the support from his relatives, teachers and friends, the 17-year-old scored 11A+ in the SPM.

“It was hard at first, but with the strength given by Allah and the support from my aunty and uncle, teachers and friends, I managed to obtain these excellent results,” said the fourth of eight siblings who received an Excellent Student Award for Highest Achievement category from Johor Education Department director Markom Giran.

The former student of SMK Agama Maahad in Muar, plans to follow in his elder sisters’ footsteps by pursuing tertiary education abroad. Ahmad Ibrahim who wants to study nuclear engineering in Germany, is one of eight students in Johor who obtained 11A+ in the SPM.

One of Sarawak’s top SPM scorers attributed his success to spending more time on his studies and less on Facebook.

Jonathan Jong Jee Heng, 17, of SMK Green Road, who scored 10A+ in the examination, said he only spent 15 minutes on the social network website daily.

The son of a technician is among 36 students in Sarawak who scored A+ in all subjects.

His schoolmate Karen Toh Hui Qi, 17, who also obtained 10A+, said her father Toh Poi Seng, 52, a lecturer, had been motivating her to obtain good results in the examination.

“My father always reminds me to study hard and get good results so that I can obtain a scholarship to further my studies overseas,” she said.

Penang deputy education director Ahmad Tarmizi Kamaruddin said 869 candidates obtained excellent results (A+, A and A-) in all subjects, including 25 who scored A+ in all subjects.

Among the 20 schools which achieved 100 per cent passes were SMJK Perempuan (Cina) Penang, SMJK (C) Jit Sin, SMK Agama Al Irsyad, SM Sains Kepala Batas and SMK Bukit Jambul.

Two disabled candidates, Eugenia Cheah Lyngene (4A+, 4A-, 1B+) from SMK Convent Pulau Tikus and S. Narayana Samy (2A+, 1A, 2A-, 3B+) from SMK Haji Zainal Abidin are among the state’s 25 best students.

Perak deputy education director Mohd Idris Ramli said 840 candidates obtained A’s in all subjects, including 32 who scored A+ in all subjects.

He said two students, R. Srivindiya from SMK Khir Johari, Tanjung Malim and M. Lalina Priya from SMK Methodist, Tanjung Malim were among the top students who scored 11A+.

SMK Ave Maria, Ipoh, SMK Taman Tasek, Taiping, SMK Perempuan Methodist, Ipoh and SMK Raja Permaisuri Bainun, Ipoh are named top schools in Perak. — Bernama

Extreme parenting

With harsh parenting quickly becoming a hot topic in child-raising, parents and educators debate its effectiveness and potential drawbacks.

EVERY parent wants their child to be successful.

The obvious aside, parents want their children to be successful for a variety of reasons.

The simple fact of wanting a child to be happy, the fear of a child being left behind and a family quest of upward mobility – or to preserve an existing social status – are some of the common reasons one might hear.

However noble – or ego stroking – these motivations may be, a child’s success is a seductive lure by itself and some parents are willing to fight tooth and nail to ensure that.

Under pressure: A young child is coaxed to play her piano pieces by her cane-wielding mother.

Such zealous efforts are best encapsulated by Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother – the best-selling memoir on tough-love parenting, Chinese-style — which is already one of the most controversial books of 2011.

Hard hitting, thought-provoking and brutally honest, the book showcased Chua’s already famous list of don’ts and put the spotlight on how parenting can sometimes be harsh and manipulative.

To illustrate, Chua documented how her daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to attend a sleepover, have a play date, watch the television, play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities and get any grade less than an A, among others.

It goes without saying that the memoirs did not go down well with many American parents and a firestorm of criticism resulted after an excerpt was published by the Wall Street Journal.

The book’s cut-to-the-bone accounts went viral and the memoir even made an impact on local shores when HELP University College devoted a one-day parenting seminar in response to it.

Bringing together some of the who’s who in the local parenting and early childhood education scene, the seminar was conceived to examine a wide range of parenting styles and the impact of early childhood education.

Although some speakers had not read the book, the concepts of extreme parenting and corporal punishment were second nature to them and a number noted positives in Chua’s methods.

Among them was Datin Amy-Jean Yee, a consultant at St Simon Fung Private School in Kota Kinabalu who noted that Western parents tended to worry too much about their children’s self-esteem.

Yee opines that pushing young children too far is counterproductive as it may lead to burnout.

“The obsession over a child’s self-esteem sees many parents adopting a laissez-faire approach – one where discipline is rarely enforced,” she said.

“James Dobson – an American psychologist and author – has already criticised this and there are many pitfalls of lax parenting.”

Yee added that the ability to be forthright without having to tiptoe around an issue had to be common practice in order to set rules effectively, which would lead to stability.

“There must be well-defined parameters for children to fall back on and this builds accountability in them,” she said.

Joining the debate, Dr Adrian Hare, the head of HELP’s English Department, got the crowd thinking with his no-holds-barred criticism.

Focusing on the refusal – or inability – of many parents to admonish their children in public, Dr Hare reversed the commonly held view of self-esteem.

“The common thing we hear from parents is that they don’t want their child to be humiliated,” he said to a wide-eyed audience.

“Well, the parents should feel humiliated for being unable to discipline their children in public.

No endorsement

Moving along, the speakers were quick to note that they were not advocating Chua’s extreme measures.

“Discipline – and encouraging a child to succeed – is important as long as it does not get too overbearing,” mulled Yee.

“Ultimately, children should not be robbed of their childhood.”

Pointing out that children had been sent to her for help because they were “sick with school”, Yee warned against pushing children too hard at a young age, she added that the sheer number of tuition classes many young children were subjected to, could pass as a social hazard.

“Some may only get five to six hours of sleep a day and if things get worse, being at school could become a terrible rat race.”

Her views are shared by Justina Poh, an educator at a Cambridge English For Life centre in Kota Kemuning.

Relating how parents complained about the lack of homework their children were given, Poh pointed out that one’s childhood should not be like a pressure cooker.

“Some parents just take things too seriously,” said the mother of two. “I made it a point not too be too domineering on my children.

Emphasising that Chua’s book was not intended to be prescriptive, Assoc Prof Christine Lee Kim-Eng of Singapore’s National Institute of Education said that extreme parenting yielded mixed results.

Dismal failures are met as frequently – if not more – as success stories and it would be foolhardy for parents to associate extreme parenting with successful children.

“Although she hasn’t stopped trying, Chua herself conceded that what worked for her older daughter did not work with her younger one who rebelled,” she mused.

Drawing parallels to her two “boys” – the older is driven while the younger is rather laidback – Lee said that it was pivotal for parents to “know” their children before committing to any particular method.

Mind matters

Offering a more academic take on the matter, Prof Ray Wilks, the head of the International Medical University’s Psychology programme, ventured that the effectiveness of extreme parenting hinged on a child’s psyche.

Simply put: Not everyone was cut out for hairdryer treatment and parents ran the risk of adversely affecting a child’s long term development or interest in a field by pushing – or scolding – too hard.

“Not every child can take it mentally,” he said.

“If children deem themselves unworthy, they could end up having an inferiority complex and this won’t help their self-confidence.

“A lack of freedom when it comes to social activities could also result in a child becoming introverted and this could be a problem later in life.

“In an ideal situation, children should be able to sit back at some stage and take pride that they have given their best in a particular endeavor.”

But what happens when one’s best isn’t quite good enough?

Meet the Pohs: Strict parenting often requires children to comply to certain rules before they get to indulge in their favourite activities.

This gave rise to another debate and it is interesting that Chua herself admitted that the Chinese parenting approach was weakest when it came to failure – it did not tolerate that possibility.

And that refusal to go under was the cornerstone of a virtuous circle of confidence, hard work, and more success.

To that, Prof Wilks argued out that while hard work was often the trait of successful men, unsuccessful men often worked hard – if not harder – as well.

He added that there was no guarantee of personal success and initial setbacks on paper should not prompt parents to up the ante at the expense of normal social interaction.

However, advocates of extreme parenting begged to differ this was best exemplified by Hassan (who requested anonymity), a firm advocate of strict parenting.

“Normal social interaction?” he remarked. “I don’t want my daughter to be normal and I don’t mind pushing her to ensure she is successful.

“I even considered enrolling her in a Chinese school for a rigorous experience,but my wife and I don’t speak Chinese, so we send her for extra language classes instead.”

As he spoke, his 10-year-old daughter Zuraida could be heard practicing Schumann’s Op 68 on the piano.

“She’s already in Grade Four and we’ll make a musician out of her yet,” enthused Hassan.

“Her progress is good and I’m sure she can perform at some big events one day.”

Dysfunctional behaviour

Zuraida’s orientation bears some uncanny resemblance to Chua’s daughters.

Also a piano player, Sophia won an international competition to perform at Carnegie Hall while Louisa’s prowess with the violin saw her accepted by Naoko Tanaka’s – a world renowned violin teacher – private studio.

However, this was far from a picture-perfect scene.

Teeth marks were discovered on the piano and a younger Sophia was the culprit. Unhappy at being pushed for hours, she gnawed on her piano in frustration.

As for Louisa, catching the eyes – or rather, ears – of a world-renowned teacher turned out to be the last thing she wanted and as she ended up playing more tennis after rebelling.

A rift of sorts, perhaps, but worse examples can be derived from the detritus of parenting experiments gone wrong.

And at times, the wrong just hides behind a façade of what appears to be a success story, which ironically serves as an effective smoke screen.

An investment banker in London, Kok Siang (not his real name) was the pride of his family ever since he was knee-high.

A musician of sorts – he plays the piano and violin – Kok Siang’s rigorous drilling paid off as he constantly scored straight A’s during his school days.

In fact, the only instance he missed out was in Form Four when he was convalescing from dengue fever.

“It wasn’t a major exam like the SPM but my parents gave me a grilling for getting a B in Biology,” he recalled.

“They did not – or refused to – consider the fact that I missed school for a few weeks and I could not prepare because I was ill.

“It was then and there where I felt that they were more interested with my accomplishments than me.”

The seething incident later degenerated into meltdown and Kok Siang’s relationship with his parents was altered forever.

He still pays his respects out of filial piety but his recent three-day stopover in Malaysia for Chinese New Year sums up everything.

“Why stay longer?” he shrugged. “I don’t know whether they want to see me or my ‘success’.

“Maybe it’s both but they always emphasise and brag about the wrong thing if that’s the case. I don’t really know till today.

“There’s only one thing worse than being a bad or an abusive parent – you can be a stranger.”

Striking a balance

Kok Siang’s case personifies Prof Wilks warning that parents should not take their children’s successes as an extension of their own.

“It does happen quite a bit and often, people don’t realise it,” he said.

“In most cases, parents stress high achievement and they lose sight of the advantages of having a well-rounded child.”

By well-rounded, Prof Wilks is not referring to a string of extra-curricular accomplishments on paper, but rather, sufficient time with a good support group of trusted friends and family members.

Prof Wilks argues that an emphasis on achievement should not come at the expense of normal social interaction.

“In essence, parents would want their children to be responsible citizens who are compassionate, confident, upright and self-motivated.

“Achieving helps but parents must not get too distracted by this.”

Sharing similar sentiments, Lee emphasised that children had to find their “own way” in life.

She added that she was not advocating a model of anti-perfection but rather, a simple reminder: Why not let children be themselves?

“In this case, parents function as a guide and not a dictator,” she said philosophically.

“If you have to try so hard to get them to do something, it probably isn’t working.”

But giving credit where credit is due, the interviewees in this story did not withhold praise from Chua.

Prof Wilks said that he would congratulate Chua on a “job well done” as her children turned out the way she hoped they would be – successful.

On the other hand, Lee pointed out that Chua showed tremendous resolve in parenting.

“Quite frankly, not everyone could do what she did to her girls,” she quipped.

And Poh can hardly disagree.

“I could never imagine myself being so harsh on my children and I would not want to,” she said.

“However, her list of ‘don’ts’ give me a few ideas for the future.”

TS